I’m not a hoarder. I’m a saver. Hoarders take in all the cats. They hold onto all the magazines and newspapers and mail. Savers keep the things with sentimental value. Hoarders stack their piles in […]
open letter to the lady who reserved twelve feet of beachfront property by placing two chairs ten feet apart
This open letter was rejected by McSweeney’s. Only the best rejections for me. Dear Lady Who Reserved Twelve Feet of Beachfront Property by Placing Two Chairs Ten Feet Apart, Please forgive me today for breaking […]
on being super
“Everyone’s special, Dash.”“Which is another way of saying no one is.”—Dash and Elastigirl, The Incredibles “And when everyone’s super, no one will be.”—Syndrome, The Incredibles Once in a rare while, my mother will call, and […]
The Tree—or Why the Jewish Girls Should Handle the Decorations
Every year, we hem and haw over whether we’re getting a Christmas tree: the expense, the work, the time, the mess—it’s all a hassle. Yet every year, we get The Tree. It’s always $65, and […]
the ABCs of gratitude: a thank-you note to my life
What follows is an incomplete and sometimes incoherent list of things I’m grateful for right now, in my post-eggnog cheesecake stupor. Art—Paintings, sculpture, architecture, design, photography, music, theater, poetry: I can’t live without them. Even […]
The Death Writer: Monday Mourning: The Death of a Father
Check out my interview here. The Death Writer: Monday Mourning: The Death of a Father: I like to break things and put them back together in a random, yet tasteful, order. I am the author […]
divots
My breasts are too big. Professionals from the age of 11, they skipped their training and went right to the C cup. When I flash on growing up with my breasts, I remember mostly humiliating […]
the work of art
The function of your organs is not dependant upon a Picasso centered above the sofa. You will, indeed, breathe without a bound set of pages filled with well-constructed lines of words about a wheelbarrow and […]
the magnitude
My father would have been 76 today. One of the biggest challenges about my father, second only to being a passenger in the car he was driving, was buying him presents. Usually, we’d combine his […]
don’t work for free. period.
Your toilet is clogged, and you’ve called a plumber. “Is this Bob the Plumber? Yes, I have a clogged toilet. I want you to come and fix it. In exchange, I will put a sign […]
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