got change?

No. You don’t.*

Right now, I choose my political candidate based on whether he or she supports a woman’s right to choose.** A politician’s views on the environment, education, war, space, health care, and just about everything else aren’t important to me anymore, because those opinions change depending on bill sponsorship and corporate funding. I can’t count on my elected official to represent me anywhere except in my reproductive freedom. (I don’t really believe I can count on that one, either.)

But if you think there’s any other real political difference between the candidates, well, keep taking the pills they’re feeding you over at Fox and CNN.

Now that BP has soiled our seas, and our leerless feeder has not offered a single solution, nor arrested those responsible for the crime (some accidents are criminal), I think it’s high time we surrendered our stars and flew a more accurate flag. We can sew the corporate logos on the new flag, like patches on a Boy Scout uniform, each year according to Fortune 500’s annual profits list. The changing of the logos can be celebrated on Flag Day each year, and some lucky citizens can attend the annual celebration at the mall (a real mall, not some strip of museum-front property) and take home a plastic bag of free stuff–AIG-imprinted pencils, a Pfizer heartburn-relief sample pack, coupons for Pepsi, a plastic Bank of America keychain (maybe with the key of someone’s foreclosed-upon home!), an oil-soaked pelican Beanie Baby. It sounds remarkably similar to this year’s World Expo in Shanghai.

Oh, and a souvenir mini-flag.

– – – – – –

*OK, sure you do. We got rid of a few of some of the previous administrations’ insane policies (torture, don’t-ask-don’t-tell, etc.), and are working toward restoring the civil liberties stolen under the Patriot Act. But I’m angry, so please forgive the hyperbole and hyperventilation.

**Intelligence counts, too, I suppose keep thinking want to believe.

disclaimer: logos are for satirical purposes only and do not represent corporate endorsement; all logos are (probably) registered trademarks of the corporations they represent; offer void where prohibited; drinking recommended

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  1. Cybergabi June 16, 2010 at 5:57 pm #

    That's the problem in a two-party country where the two parties and their candidates' campaigns depend heavily on corporate funding. It doesn't make a difference anymore because they have to serve the interests of the sharks anyway.

  2. jodi June 16, 2010 at 7:10 pm #


  3. Madison Guy June 16, 2010 at 7:53 pm #

    Great post and great graphic. I used to think that a multi-party, parliamentary system would avoid some of the problems Gabi pinpoints, but Europe's experience hasn't been all that great lately either. Corporations have the means, the will and the persistence to turn just about any system of government to their ends.

  4. BlogAdmin June 17, 2010 at 10:10 am #

    Whoo-hoo! Go Leslie! You're saying what we are all thinking!

  5. Keri June 17, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

    What THEY said. And what YOU said. Feckin' brilliant.

  6. Doug June 30, 2010 at 3:44 pm #

    Yeah if you think anyone is ever going to make a REAL decision on the abortion/anti-abortion issue forget it. That is a strong polarizing issue that keeps people on one side of the political fence or the other. If they made a real law, either way, then people might base their vote on something else. Take my wife for example. In all she is a very liberal thinker but when it comes to abortion she is strictly against it. That one issue has her voting conservatively at every election. She is not alone, there are many like her. If you file the abortion issue away, it might drastically change the political landscape.
    For me, I'm a very liberal thinker and vote that way. My concerns this past election was focused on the environment and the wars we find our country in. Obama promised change and like a fool I believed him; his actions on both fronts have been less than expected (OK very disappointing) to say the least. But looking back who else could I have voted for? That old guy and the bimbo? I think not, I cringe to thing of the mess we would be in if those two were in the White House. Unfortunately most elections come down to the lesser of two evils I suppose.

  7. Richard Gilbert July 17, 2010 at 11:45 am #

    I commented before but it didn't show up, so I will say it again, shorter: Amen, sister.

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